Self Care is not Selfish

As we begin to move into the seasonality of darkness in the Northern Hemisphere and feel the swirl of life and possibly turbulent energy all around you, you might be hearing the call to retreat into your inner journey, to “Care for your Soul,” as Thomas More puts it in the title of his book.

Caring for your Soul, caring for your deeper Self, takes discipline, awareness of that call, and a profound commitment to self-care.

Sometimes, we think that if we focus on self-care, we would be selfish or be thought selfish.

May I suggest this is not true, and, indeed, is a belief, a myth, which is debilitating – to you and to those you care about.

Here is one of my favorite quotes by author Parker Palmer. Read it well. Read it twice or three times if you wish.

“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift that I was put on earth to offer to others. Anytime we can listen to true self, and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.”

Let me repeat that: “We do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.”

I invite you to consider the criticality of self-care, of establishing Sabbaths in our days, where we commit to “listening to the true self, and give it the care it requires.” I know, deeply and clearly, that I cannot serve others without that, which is what my whole life is about.

“The only ones among you who shall be truly happy are those who have sought and found out how to serve,” says Albert Schweitzer.

Consider this: happiness and self-care are deeply connected.

There are, of course, many kinds of self-care: for me, traveling is a form of self-care, pilgrimage is a kind of self-care, writing is a form of self-care, listening to certain music is, enjoying family time is, eating well is, and I care for what foods I put in my body, and, of course, creating a Practice is. I want to focus on the latter in this post.

Without the commitment to Self-care, thoughtfulness, and good thinking that comes from designing or establishing a practice, a place of refuge, or stillness, of creating Sabbaths in our days, we “succumb to the violence,” as Thomas Merton says. In that space, we make too many commitments or allow ourselves to get subsumed by “too many demands… commit oneself to too many projects.”

We get swamped and forget who we are in that busyness. We forget to slow down and truly listen, with an open and awakened heart, to ourselves (to what our deeper self wants to tell us), to others, and to what is in their hearts, including their griefs, including their joys, and to what our life is telling us, is giving us, as opportunities to evolve.

Even the breakdowns and obstacles life has served us can serve as gifts, as Brother David Steindl-Rast tells us.  To hear them as gifts, to see them as gifts, takes stopping and giving ourselves time to think, reflect, and go deep. How are they serving our evolution, our inner growth? What is the lesson we are to receive?

I know. I used to be a crazy person, moving through my days at 100 miles an hour.  Email and taking care of the “demands” placed upon me by others came first.  Until I woke up to the cost, which was my own lack of presence in my own life, to a great extent.  Establishing a morning practice changed all of that.

It was a gift I gave myself, this gift of Solitude, and of Stopping….a discipline…a holy practice.

What did I do? (And I invite you to do)

Before I entered my zone of work, which I love and value, I created a Stop.  I created a sacred environment that calls to me, speaks to me, is attractive to me. It speaks to me and says, “Stop. Sit here. Observe Nature. Meditate. Reflect. Pray. Write. Be.”

This is a photo taken from my poetry Chair. In it, you will see sacred objects I have gathered from our world journeys – Durga from Cambodia, Ganesh, who has a stick of incense rising from the crown of his head from Thailand,  a candle from Brother David’s monastery in Austria, a Buddha and incense holder elephant from India, Mary Oliver’s Devotions, a collection of her poems, my journal of poems on which I write, and a live plant.

They all speak to me if I ask and listen.

You can make your own space for both spirituality and creativity.

What would you put in your space, a place that calls to you, sings to you, and brings you alive? A space that speaks of inner peace and well-being to you during these challenging times.

Now that you have your space, what about time?

 I found that creating a practice in which I engage at the same time each day is deeply contributory. If you say you don’t have the time, you must make it. Depth and quality thinking, thinking which brings you to a Greater Intelligence larger than your strategic mind, require time.

“I have so much to do today,” Gandhi said, “ I must meditate for two hours rather than one.”

If that is too much for you, you can start with 15 minutes. The important thing is to start. 

The important thing is to start stopping.

In that space of stillness, I often ask for guidance.  When I go quiet enough, I can hear my own intuitive voice speaking to me. I call that Voice my Muse, who gives me guidance.

Pen in hand, poised above the beautiful white page of my journal, I write down what my Muse says, often through poetry, and I follow the guidance. The Muse is my Inner Guide who understands me way more than I understand myself and who knows the Way.

If you slow down enough, you can hear your own higher wisdom speaking to you.

The trick is to write and not let your critic subsume your own inner Voice.

And, then, you can enter your day inspired, thoughtful, and present.

At this time of challenge, upheaval on the planet, chaos, and disturbance out there, I invite you to give yourself the space of peace in here.

Create your space.
Create a Practice. 
Create a discipline and stay with it.
Experiment. Pray. Meditate. Reflect. Listen. Write.

This poem came to me called Reflecting Journaling in the summer of 2019 when I was at Isle Royale National Park, and the Muse awoke to guide me across a chasm that I needed to cross. Showing up later in my book, Crossing Thresholds, Island Reflections, that Muse became a guide who gave me the teaching poems in that book.

Reflective Journaling

by Amba Gale

Give yourself this gift to feed your Soul:
Writing time where writing can lead
to your own deep and hidden thoughts.
Let them come to you unbidden
and find you as your words take shape on page.

Step aside your critic.
Let someone else write.
Let your intuition speak
from the silent corners of your heart,
transporting you to somewhere new,
Somewhere you have never been before.

Open a new door:
You are hungry for your words.

Allow yourself to be romanced
by something larger than yourself.

That’s what we’re all here for.

I invite you to engage in Reflective Journaling and share with us your experiences doing so by pressing the “Comment” Button. You will need to set up a Substack account to comment, and I welcome you to this vibrant community where you will hopefully find many other inspiring writers to follow and like-minded people to engage with.

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Awakening Heart with Amba Gale is a reader-supported publication, like public radio. To receive new posts and support this work through writing, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I am happy to let you know, as a free gift, if you become a paid subscriber for $50 annually or $6 monthly, I am delighted to send you the e book of my first published book, Crossing Thresholds, Island Reflections, a Gold Global award winner for nature poetry, and #1 Amazon best seller for nature poetry. 

This is a book of photographs, poems, and pragmatic inquiries for your inner journey of embracing endings, and starting new beginnings. the poems were all written in 2019 at another national park, Isle Royale, in Lake Superior.

The primary themes of the book are tapping into your inner wisdom, releasing your Muse, embracing the impermanent nature of reality, giving endings where those endings are now due, moving through loss and heartbreak, starting new beginnings, letting nature be our teacher, embracing the unfamiliar, living in wonder and awe.

Jack Canfield, co-author of “Chicken Soup for the Soul” with my book “Crossing Thresholds”